Sometimes I have to wonder to myself why we need them. Even though they are confusing and they do suck most of the time, I have to accept the fact that there are times we do need them. I guess I’m just feeling a little weird because this one guy has been giving me some mixed ass signals and I don’t really know what to think of them. Yes, I am literally leaving this weekend to go home for the next year or so and I don’t really want to be in a relationship, but it doesn’t hurt to still talk if he’s not interested in me right? Like I don’t know why that’s such a big deal. Also, he could be straightforward about it like don’t leave me hanging. I just wanted to meet up with him one more time because in all honesty, women have needs too (LOL…) Sorry, but this is true and I’m not going to shy away and say that it’s not. Like this is the truth and if you can’t handle it, well, then you need to just get out of the kitchen haha. Anyway, I honestly thought that was what he was looking for because I mean I went over to his place for the first time (this is a guy I met on Tinder, so in all honesty, this is really unfair, but I can’t expect too much… lol). Like after that though, it wasn’t that things went downhill, just it was weird. He texted me a lot before to try to meet me and whatnot and he actually seemed really sweet or decent enough otherwise I REALLY wouldn’t have continued to talk with him because I’m the type of person who literally stops talking to him the moment i find out they’re boring (to me) or they just don’t click with me. I actually found him interesting so it was a first for me or is a first for me. Like I’m still snapchat messaging him, but that’s it, not texting anymore. Every now and then, yes, but I’d rather be rejected on snap message than be rejected on text to be honest haha. Anyway, he still showed interest on snap and even a few days ago, I didn’t snap him, but he kept snapping me during the weekend and I was like what the fuck is going on?? Like I snap messaged him something last night and he responded with this weird ass screenshot of a text between his friend and him and I was like what the fuck?? Did you send it to the wrong person or something? He didn’t respond, but checked it. Then I sent him something about coffee because I wanted to just meet up for one last time and see what was up, but he didn’t respond so I’m just SOO CONFUSED. YES I KNOW IM LEAVING SOON AND I SHOULD JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT, BUT I CAN’T HELP IT LIKE IT’S ANNOYING, I JUST NEED TO KNOW. LOL. Like after meeting him in person the first time, no more texting like I said, but he added me on snapchat like every other person or guy that I’ve talked to. I really have to keep from rolling my eyes in person for this because it just always happens.
Also, I know I’m young and that there will be a guy out there for me one day, but it’s just I want to figure it out, like what’s going on because this is the first guy I’ve actually been somewhat attracted to and he isn’t even SUPER attractive (I know my standards are high lol). And he seemed to be attracted back to me so I don’t know what’s up like I remember way back when, he told me that he believes in the fact that hookups can result in a relationship. I was like ok then, so I don’t even know if you want a relationship, but I know you want the hookup part and you said that you can either make the next 3 months the best or the worst right? Well, it’s been weird and not the worst 3 months, just it’s been weird and odd lol. I don’t get you. You’re such an odd person… lol.. Seriously though I just wanted to see you and your dog (not going to lie), one last time before I left and if you wanted to keep talking to me as a friend then be my guest. You’re an adult, I’m an adult. Nothing is forever unless you make it forever. Anyway, he sucks and he can go away because I’m so over it right now lol. I don’t know how to get you to respond to shit even though you sent me snaps a few days ago first so *shrug* I’m just hungry for food right now so sorry for the rant that makes no sense, but see you all later my readers.
***I wrote this for my senior will for my sorority, so if there are references to strong women, it’s because I was addressing them; however, these words can apply to anyone.***
In my 4 years at UC San Diego, I have learned and experienced much. I have learned that you should never settle for less when you can have the best. Never allow anyone to say you can’t do anything because you can as long as you put your mind to it. Also, you have to learn to love yourself, love everything about yourself. No one person is ever the same, everyone is unique in their own way. Don’t allow yourself to compare yourself to others, you are your own beautiful person with both strengths and weaknesses that are unique to your individual self. You are all independent, strong women who can rise above others who may degrade you. Cherish every single moment and every single day. This might sound cheesy, but smile and enjoy every single day that comes and don’t allow anyone to ruin your day because they are insignificant in the end. Why allow yourself to ponder and simmer over someone or something so trivial when you could enjoy life. Don’t allow your fears to control you and keep you from living your life the way you want to. You can overcome them with love and support. Your life is your life and don’t let anyone else say or do otherwise. Also, don’t judge a book by its cover, really don’t because you never know, they may surprise you.
You know what though ladies, never ever subject yourself to a controlling, manipulative, asshole who knows how to sweet talk you into staying with him. Never settle because you THINK you love him. You should KNOW you love him, not think. You should NEVER have to defend your love for him to anyone, especially your friends any family. If your friends think that he’s a bad guy and it’s pretty much everyone who doesn’t like him or who hates him, girl, that is freaking telling you something there. It isn’t just one damn person, it’s EVERY single person whose telling you this and you don’t see it for yourself yet? I’m over telling you how much of a jerk he is and how much he doesn’t respect you at all. You can see it for yourself when shit happens. I have just seen so many things I shouldn’t see come out of this relationship that it makes me mad even seeing this guy. My friend should not be in this relationship. I know she’s an adult and she can learn from her own mistakes and make her own decisions, but it just makes me irritated and frustrated because they broke up for what 2 days before she somehow got back with him and she doesn’t even really tell me straight up like what the fuck. I’m not only your friend, but your roommate, like I honestly deserve that much considering y’all stole my fucking room and cheated me from how much I should have been ACTUALLY paying. = I should have mentioned it before and it’s as much my fault as anyone else’s, but if you TRULY respected me as a friend AND respected our friendship, you would’ve asked before doing anything you’ve done this year. I honestly thought a lot more highly of you. I sound like a self-centered bitch, but honestly I feel like I’m fair and decent to a fair amount of people who are my so-called “friends,” and I’m pretty much treated like ABSOLUTE SHIT. Like no one is considerate of anything that has to do with me while I TRY my absolute fucking best to be considerate of almost everyone. Obviously I can’t be perfect like who the fuck is in this world? BUT I try my best to be considerate and treat others how they want to be treated. That’s why I’m just sick and tired of everyone and I just want to be left alone or at least be with people who actually even give a fucking shit. I’m only ranting right now because I ABSOLUTELY hate my roommate’s boyfriend. I’ve honestly never hated anyone more than him. He’s a complete fucking asshole and she deserves better, but like I said she can figure it out. I thought she did, but she didn’t and now I have to fucking live through this again. I can’t stand anything about him. I have to tolerate him, but it’s just been hard because everyone’s been so.. inconsiderate of everything and I’m just tired of everything. My roommate should not have him over here showering when he definitely has his own place. Not only that, but even if they have to wake up early tomorrow, it makes no sense for you to sleep here (the both of you). Even though you asked me this time because you know how much it bugs me, he has a PERFECTLY GOOD SINGLE NOTE SINGLEEEE that y’all can sleep in. It makes no freaking sense to me at all why you would sleep here. Yeah closer to the freeway maybe but who cares?!?! That’s just being inconsiderate of me again in the end. Yes I said I didn’t care but when its 12 AM in the damn morning, I don’t have the energy to be the bitch that said no because I don’t like your boyfriend. Gosh I am going to try to tolerate him since I only have another month, but he honestly ruined my friendship with her. Sometimes I don’t even like her or I think she’s absolutely annoying or irritating because of the things she does with him. Usually I’m not as annoyed with her and I never used to be, but nowadays I just feel she spends all of her time with him and doesn’t really spend time with her girlfriends. Guess she goes for bro over hos yeah? Well I wouldn’t ditch my friends for a freaking douchebag especially when he’s ruined all of your other friendships as well. Honestly, I don’t know how this bodes for our future as friends. It’s sad because I’ve known her for 4 years since college started, since day 1 and this is how it’s ending up because of some stupid boyfriend. *SIGH*. Anyway, that’s really all I have for now. Sorry for this insignificant stupid rant, but I haven’t been going out much lately anyway, so I’ve become boring as heck lol.
Till next time!!!
I’ve been so tired lately and everyone’s just getting on my last nerve. Like I’m calm on the outside, but inside, I’m literally raging. Like can no one do anything on their own?? Why do they have to rely on ME to do everything and make the freaking decisions?!?! Just because I have a voice and I actually speak up doesn’t mean I should be left to make the decision. Also, no one understands shit about me. I just feel like I’m going insane. The only thing keeping me calm is working out and just doing my own thing and having fun, but honestly I’d rather just not have anyone bug me at the moment because everyone’s annoying as fuck. Or like certain people are annoying and they’re the ones I hang around which SUCKS, honestly it does. The only ones I enjoy hanging out with are certain coworkers and other people who are older and some friends from LA and whatnot. Everyone else is driving me to the brink of annoyance. I’m not even stressed about anything, I just feel like everyone needs to give me my space and just do things on their own lol. Like please people. Sorry, end of my stupid rant 😀
March 17, 2017
I had an inkling that I wouldn’t be posting this right away, so I put the date in case I forgot which day it was lol.
So green day, my friend and I went out super last minute. I wasn’t planning on going out because finals was literally the week after and also because I had work until 10 that night so I wasn’t sure if I wanted to. Not only that, but people were going to be out since they used the excuse that it was St. Patrick’s day to go out, so I knew that it would be crazy packed. During my shift though, I had an urge to go out and dance so I asked my friend and she and I were like whatever, our finals aren’t until later in the week (sorry for sounding like terrible people/influences, but mine were paper finals so I knew I could do them and I didn’t force her to go out at all, so it was all her choice) so let’s just go out and dance, like it’ll help going out and being free for a bit. So we decided to go to downtown SD because it’s more fun and she hasn’t really been there too much. We went to Analog first, and there was oddly a line because of St Patty’s Day, but the wait wasn’t too bad, we got in within 20 minutes probably? So we got in, but the vibes were weird and we weren’t feeling it, so we ended up going to Double Deuce for the rest of the night where things got interesting. It was really fun there and I enjoyed it because the music was good. I ended up dancing with some guy and let’s just say my lips will never be the same lol. It felt like it was going to fall off (in a bad way haha). It was just tingling after… So yeah.. No.. LOL. After that, we left and were going to go home, but we ran into a few friends and I really wanted to see a friend that was with them so we went to go find the rest of their group, but it was such a mess trying to find everyone because they were all drunk and didn’t know what was going on, so I didn’t even get to see my friend which made me sad. We did end up going home with my friends in an Uber though and we got a ride back which was nice of them. My friend I went with was also flirting with one of the guys so 😉 teehehe. good for her though!!! Unfortunately, that’s all that happened for that night.
Fun, sort of uneventful night, but it was a good night before finals week and all that crap I spoke about in my new post hit the fan. Thanks for reading my lovely readers.
Tiffs Lippie Lips