Guys are Confusing and They Suck

Sometimes I have to wonder to myself why we need them. Even though they are confusing and they do suck most of the time, I have to accept the fact that there are times we do need them. I guess I’m just feeling a little weird because this one guy has been giving me some mixed ass signals and I don’t really know what to think of them. Yes, I am literally leaving this weekend to go home for the next year or so and I don’t really want to be in a relationship, but it doesn’t hurt to still talk if he’s not interested in me right? Like I don’t know why that’s such a big deal. Also, he could be straightforward about it like don’t leave me hanging. I just wanted to meet up with him one more time because in all honesty, women have needs too (LOL…) Sorry, but this is true and I’m not going to shy away and say that it’s not. Like this is the truth and if you can’t handle it, well, then you need to just get out of the kitchen haha. Anyway, I honestly thought that was what he was looking for because I mean I went over to his place for the first time (this is a guy I met on Tinder, so in all honesty, this is really unfair, but I can’t expect too much… lol). Like after that though, it wasn’t that things went downhill, just it was weird. He texted me a lot before to try to meet me and whatnot and he actually seemed really sweet or decent enough otherwise I REALLY wouldn’t have continued to talk with him because I’m the type of person who literally stops talking to him the moment i find out they’re boring (to me) or they just don’t click with me. I actually found him interesting so it was a first for me or is a first for me. Like I’m still snapchat messaging him, but that’s it, not texting anymore. Every now and then, yes, but I’d rather be rejected on snap message than be rejected on text to be honest haha. Anyway, he still showed interest on snap and even a few days ago, I didn’t snap him, but he kept snapping me during the weekend and I was like what the fuck is going on?? Like I snap messaged him something last night and he responded with this weird ass screenshot of a text between his friend and him and I was like what the fuck?? Did you send it to the wrong person or something? He didn’t respond, but checked it. Then I sent him something about coffee because I wanted to just meet up for one last time and see what was up, but he didn’t respond so I’m just SOO CONFUSED. YES I KNOW IM LEAVING SOON AND I SHOULD JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT, BUT I CAN’T HELP IT LIKE IT’S ANNOYING, I JUST NEED TO KNOW. LOL. Like after meeting him in person the first time, no more texting like I said, but he added me on snapchat like every other person or guy that I’ve talked to. I really have to keep from rolling my eyes in person for this because it just always happens.

Also, I know I’m young and that there will be a guy out there for me one day, but it’s just I want to figure it out, like what’s going on because this is the first guy I’ve actually been somewhat attracted to and he isn’t even SUPER attractive (I know my standards are high lol). And he seemed to be attracted back to me so I don’t know what’s up like I remember way back when, he told me that he believes in the fact that hookups can result in a relationship. I was like ok then, so I don’t even know if you want a relationship, but I know you want the hookup part and you said that you can either make the next 3 months the best or the worst right? Well, it’s been weird and not the worst 3 months, just it’s been weird and odd lol. I don’t get you. You’re such an odd person… lol.. Seriously though I just wanted to see you and your dog (not going to lie), one last time before I left and if you wanted to keep talking to me as a friend then be my guest. You’re an adult, I’m an adult. Nothing is forever unless you make it forever. Anyway, he sucks and he can go away because I’m so over it right now lol. I don’t know how to get you to respond to shit even though you sent me snaps a few days ago first so *shrug* I’m just hungry for food right now so sorry for the rant that makes no sense, but see you all later my readers.



Let’s Press Rewind

Remember when I said that I’d explain my bartender friend at the club I frequent? Well, I guess that time is now since I’m home for the holidays. So, he’s just a friend, the bartender that I know; I just happen to find him very attractive. First time I met him was when I went to the club for the second time I believe. I usually just go to the bar to get a drink… (and ok, I guess to check out some of the bartenders too, no lie)…

ANYWAY, my cousin spotted him first and then my friend who came with us and I spotted him and I said to my friend (my little in one of my organizations) oh my freaking gosh, he is one of the most gorgeous guys I’ve ever seen, like if you could draw up my ideal guy in terms of physical appearances, he would be him, like oh my. This guy IS really gorgeous and just all-around good looking. I really have no other words or ways to describe the feeling that I had the first time I saw him. My cousin and my roommate approached him first, to get water or drinks, I don’t know and I have no clue what they said to him, but after a while I ended up going up to him. In all honesty, I don’t remember how that happened because that night was… well let’s just say I was more than my usual level of intoxication and it ended up being a night that I sort of didn’t want to think about nor remember. Moving on… I went up to him and asked for his name and introduced myself and just stared having a “normal” conversation with him (as normal as a conversation at a busy bar could get). I also spoke with another bartender, but I wasn’t as enamored by him as I was by this one. This one just caught my interest, not only with his good looks and his charm, but by just having a normal conversation with me when he could. After that night, I was super hooked and hoped to see him again the next time we came to the club. Also after that night, apparently I decided to become a stalker and add both bartenders on Facebook. I really had no recollection of doing this at all until the next morning. Even after looking at my phone and going “when the heck did I add them??” didn’t really ring a bell. It was only after my cousin came over to grab something of hers that it hit me that I did it while we were sitting in the Uber. Oops haha.. Guess I really did end up doing it. What a stalker.

After that, I still couldn’t believe I did it. It’s just I don’t end up doing things like that, but I guess with a little bit of liquid luck (or a lot of it) it tends to make you do things you wouldn’t really do. Oh well, not that big of a deal anyway, probably happens to them all the time.

So, I didn’t see him until the next time we went and he remembered us! I was so shocked and surprised. I mean yes, most bartenders are sober and aren’t allowed to drink on the job, but still there are SOO many people he could remember and he remembered us. So what happened was my cousin was really excited to see if he was there working or not and when she saw that he was, she wanted to do this heart thing with her hands that he did last time and she wanted me to come up after her so it wouldn’t look weird. I mean I was going up whether or not she wanted me to, I’d just go on my terms and not hers since she’s the one who wanted to do it anyway. Sounds harsh of me, but I was like eh, you can do it since he did it last time, you’re going with your friend anyway. So after a bit, I came up after them and he saw me before I even came up to the bar and gave me a cute little wave. I legit practically died right then and there on the rooftop of the club haha. It was just so cute and he remembered me like (internal girl screaming). He just asked how school was and what we were doing. Then I just told the girls to get drinks so we could let him work. After doing our thing, I wanted my own drink so I came back and he tried to find me a drink ticket which was really sweet and which he didn’t have to do  but he did  anyway. He apologized that he didn’t have any, and it was no problem with me paying for the drink. We had a little conversation and he asked about what we were up to that night or what else we were going to do, my day etc, a normal conversation like we have every time. I mean it’s a bar, what else could you talk about really without others hearing haha. It was nice though, even though he went to go fulfill other drink orders, he’d apologize and try to come back to talk to us. I didn’t mind because that’s his job, no need to apologize you know? We also met another bartender that night and he was really sweet as well (to add on). So as the night progressed, I just moved from floor to floor as always, but I always end up at the bar to talk to him before I leave, so I just ended up at the bar, but some guy was trying to talk and hit on me and the new bartender was trying to hook his friend up, but I was really not interested in the guy so I just tried to keep the conversation going, but I really couldn’t (sorry!). So the night ended and I said bye to my friend. Agh too cute.

The next time we came (yes, I realize now how much we go to the SAME club all the time, it’s really sad actually), was a few weeks after and I think this was just recently for my housemate’s birthday and we saw him and he just looked tired. It was a slow night according to him, and it was a really slow night compared to other nights we’ve come. This was that stupid night my roommate and her boyfriend argued over something so stupid. Anyway, moving along otherwise I’m going to blow up again over that stupid thing, we just got drinks, got my housemate really intoxicated (I mean it’s her birthday right?), and got hit on and that whole fun jazz. I think this was the night I asked for his snapchat at the end, because I mean why not right? Like I can be friends with him and whatnot outside of the customer/bartender relationship. Oh, he was also really sweet and comped me that night. I thought that was really sweet and I hoped that he didn’t think I wanted to get to know him or talk to him just because I wanted free drinks or something lol. Anyway, that happened.

Next encounter was last week’s after finals, but I’m pretty sure I mentioned the night in my other post already (Red is the Color of Sin), but in case y’all forgot or even I forgot what I typed and told y’all, we went, did the same thing (whoop-dee-doo) and he just asked about finals and I told him that I passed 2 out of 3 of my finals for sure already and he said something about, “you got it babes or babe or something,” I don’t know. (what type of guy uses that on girls not his girlfriend?) Anyway, we just had small talk since it was his finals and I always tell him to surprise me with drinks now to not drink the same thing and he hasn’t disappointed me yet! He gave us one drink ticket and couldn’t give us more, but it was fine because he always does a lot for us anyway. So small talk, and we ended up leaving early that night, so we said bye to him and what bugged me that night was that my cousin and my housemate didn’t really get the hint that I just wanted to have a one-on-one conversation with him and not a conversation with all of them. It just.. ruins the moment. So yeah, it was a really irritating night like I mentioned in my other post. But yeah… That’s him… bartender friend… and now for the FUN part…

Spoiler… He has a girlfriend. Wow, not that much of a shocker if you ever see him in person lol. But yeah once I found that out (not through him, but by.. various means…) (Sorry, I can be stalker-ish guys). Anywho, I was so… disappointed. Like I’m usually disappointed anyhow, but this time I was like SUPER disappointed. It confused and annoyed me because I am NOT usually disappointed for that long or THAT disappointed over some guy with a girlfriend. But I don’t know.. I mean I haven’t really spoken with him outside of a club scene, but he seems like a goofy, great guy and I want to see if that observation is true. So it just disappoints me I don’t really get that opportunity to find out. 😦 Like I’m truly sad. It just boggles me why I was so infatuated/attracted to him even after finding out that fact. I mean nothing is going to change. It’ll be nice to just become really good friends with him (if he doesn’t think I’m some creepy or annoying person from snapchatting him often) lol… I mean I think it’s just the fact that he’s gorgeous and goofy which attracts me still to him and those two things make for a dangerous combination… Anyway, I’m still honestly sometimes really disappointed, but it’s ok, sighs, that’s life yeah? I mean that new bartender I met who mentioned the other place where he works is good looking with possibly a good personality too so we’ll see. 🙂 Anyway that is the low down on things with the bartender friend. Until next time.


Au revoir mes amours (sorry if I totally killed the translation and grammar)



It Goes Both Ways, Always

In this particular scenario, I am referring to when we want to approach a guy and we do approach him and when a guy actually approaches us or might want to approach us or vice versa (if you’re a male). Like I had said in my previous post, I had just turned 21 a few months ago, so I haven’t been going out to bars and clubs that long; however, I have been in college for the past 3 1/2 years now so I’ve had my fair share of parties and kickbacks.

From what I’ve observed from my own experiences and from what I’ve observed from my surroundings, I’ve found it intriguing and funny that even though we want to be approached, we don’t really want to be approached. (Sounds weird and hypocritical of us right?) I mean we are only humans after all.

I think it just depends on what we’re looking for. When I go out, I want to meet new people (mainly men honestly), but I don’t want to meet just any type of man. I want to meet and converse with a man who attracts me. It makes me sound shallow as heck, but I want to meet someone who is “my type,” I guess you can say. You can call me shallow all you want, but in the end, we do all want to end up with someone who we have both a physical attraction to and mental and emotional connection to. Of course, we want someone who has personality, but all of us have a different “standard,” as to what type of personality we want in our significant other. If we all had the same “standards,” we would all be fighting with each other for the same person. However, life is not like that and we all are different people. We all like, dislike, hate, and love different things in life. That is what differentiates each of us from one another and makes all of us unique human beings.

Like I stated before, I just find it ironic and funny how we want others of the opposite sex to approach us, but we just become picky when they actually do approach us. I’ve had encounters where I just want to end up getting away from the guy. After though, when I reflect and think about it, I feel sort of bad because if I were them, I wouldn’t want the opposite sex to practically run away from me either, it would make me feel ugly and unconfident and I would feel like a total loser. If I approached a guy I was interested in, I wouldn’t want them to run away or make excuses to get away from me either. I can’t help it though if I’m not attracted to them and they don’t get the hint the first time that I am not interested. Once again, like I said it’s double standards and it’s hard to not feel the way that you do sometimes.

All I can say is that in the end, I honestly respect anyone who approaches anyone else of the other sex because it is a really hard thing for anyone to do no matter how confident you  may be and no matter how outgoing you are.

To flirt or to not flirt?

This is the second day I’ve been able to sit down and actually blog which makes me really happy and satisfied. Sorry to anyone and everyone who follows me, I have school, work, and a lot of other priorities in my life at the moment that I get swept up in, but I will try my best to blog at least once every month or so. Anyway, I’ve been in a more questioning mood lately and will be posting a lot of polls up like the one you will see in a moment to find out what people really think. You are welcome to comment as long as it is not something lewd or even email me to speak about your experience. I love to hear about other people’s stories and lives.

Anyways, cheers all! Happy thanksgiving. Stay safe everyone.

Never Let Someone Control You

Recently, I have witnessed some ugly and repulsive events occur. The actions that occurred  should never have happened. They only happened because of the lack of trust in that relationship. If and When these actions do occur, they should be warning signals to you that something is not right in your relationship. With what I have seen happen, I will say to you that no one deserves to be treated that way. Everyone deserves the best possible person who will complement them, treat them well, and love them unconditionally. No one deserves to be in an abusive, controlling relationship, be it a man or a woman. It always goes both ways, yes it does. However, if someone starts to change for the worse because of their significant other, that relationship obviously isn’t meant to be. Now, I don’t mean to sound like a cynic, but even when the couple tires to work out their issues, sometimes it’s just too difficult and it isn’t meant to be. When you have a lot of your close friends telling you that they don’t like him, that should be telling you something. I know it’s hard to see past the good layer and see the bad layer, but you cannot be blind and naive. Even if you believe that there is good in everyone and only want to see the best in everyone, sometimes people can’t change for the better and there isn’t much to see beneath that layer.

Never allow anyone to change who you are as a person and never try to transform yourself into what an ideal image that someone else sees. Be free and be yourself. Never allow someone to control you and never allow them to tell you that you can’t do something, because you can as long as you are motivated enough and push yourself enough. Have dreams and follow them.

Note: These are my own thoughts and opinions said from own viewpoint. You may have your own beliefs and thoughts and opinions and I respect that, so please respect mine. I am merely typing what I observe and feel. I will not tolerate anyone who tries to slander me in any way. Comment if you please; however, I would enjoy hearing of your opinions 🙂