Guys are Confusing and They Suck

Sometimes I have to wonder to myself why we need them. Even though they are confusing and they do suck most of the time, I have to accept the fact that there are times we do need them. I guess I’m just feeling a little weird because this one guy has been giving me some mixed ass signals and I don’t really know what to think of them. Yes, I am literally leaving this weekend to go home for the next year or so and I don’t really want to be in a relationship, but it doesn’t hurt to still talk if he’s not interested in me right? Like I don’t know why that’s such a big deal. Also, he could be straightforward about it like don’t leave me hanging. I just wanted to meet up with him one more time because in all honesty, women have needs too (LOL…) Sorry, but this is true and I’m not going to shy away and say that it’s not. Like this is the truth and if you can’t handle it, well, then you need to just get out of the kitchen haha. Anyway, I honestly thought that was what he was looking for because I mean I went over to his place for the first time (this is a guy I met on Tinder, so in all honesty, this is really unfair, but I can’t expect too much… lol). Like after that though, it wasn’t that things went downhill, just it was weird. He texted me a lot before to try to meet me and whatnot and he actually seemed really sweet or decent enough otherwise I REALLY wouldn’t have continued to talk with him because I’m the type of person who literally stops talking to him the moment i find out they’re boring (to me) or they just don’t click with me. I actually found him interesting so it was a first for me or is a first for me. Like I’m still snapchat messaging him, but that’s it, not texting anymore. Every now and then, yes, but I’d rather be rejected on snap message than be rejected on text to be honest haha. Anyway, he still showed interest on snap and even a few days ago, I didn’t snap him, but he kept snapping me during the weekend and I was like what the fuck is going on?? Like I snap messaged him something last night and he responded with this weird ass screenshot of a text between his friend and him and I was like what the fuck?? Did you send it to the wrong person or something? He didn’t respond, but checked it. Then I sent him something about coffee because I wanted to just meet up for one last time and see what was up, but he didn’t respond so I’m just SOO CONFUSED. YES I KNOW IM LEAVING SOON AND I SHOULD JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT, BUT I CAN’T HELP IT LIKE IT’S ANNOYING, I JUST NEED TO KNOW. LOL. Like after meeting him in person the first time, no more texting like I said, but he added me on snapchat like every other person or guy that I’ve talked to. I really have to keep from rolling my eyes in person for this because it just always happens.

Also, I know I’m young and that there will be a guy out there for me one day, but it’s just I want to figure it out, like what’s going on because this is the first guy I’ve actually been somewhat attracted to and he isn’t even SUPER attractive (I know my standards are high lol). And he seemed to be attracted back to me so I don’t know what’s up like I remember way back when, he told me that he believes in the fact that hookups can result in a relationship. I was like ok then, so I don’t even know if you want a relationship, but I know you want the hookup part and you said that you can either make the next 3 months the best or the worst right? Well, it’s been weird and not the worst 3 months, just it’s been weird and odd lol. I don’t get you. You’re such an odd person… lol.. Seriously though I just wanted to see you and your dog (not going to lie), one last time before I left and if you wanted to keep talking to me as a friend then be my guest. You’re an adult, I’m an adult. Nothing is forever unless you make it forever. Anyway, he sucks and he can go away because I’m so over it right now lol. I don’t know how to get you to respond to shit even though you sent me snaps a few days ago first so *shrug* I’m just hungry for food right now so sorry for the rant that makes no sense, but see you all later my readers.



Bad Boys, We Definitely Go for Them

You know what though ladies, never ever subject yourself to a controlling, manipulative, asshole who knows how to sweet talk you into staying with him. Never settle because you THINK you love him. You should KNOW you love him, not think. You should NEVER have to defend your love for him to anyone, especially your friends any family. If your friends think that he’s a bad guy and it’s pretty much everyone who doesn’t like him or who hates him, girl, that is freaking telling you something there. It isn’t just one damn person, it’s EVERY single person whose telling you this and you don’t see it for yourself yet? I’m over telling you how much of a jerk he is and how much he doesn’t respect you at all. You can see it for yourself when shit happens. I have just seen so many things I shouldn’t see come out of this relationship that it makes me mad even seeing this guy. My friend should not be in this relationship.  I know she’s an adult and she can learn from her own mistakes and make her own decisions, but it just makes me irritated and frustrated because they broke up for what 2 days before she somehow got back with him and she doesn’t even really tell me straight up like what the fuck. I’m not only your friend, but your roommate, like I honestly deserve that much considering y’all stole my fucking room and cheated me from how much I should have been ACTUALLY paying. = I should have mentioned it before and it’s as much my fault as anyone else’s, but if you TRULY respected me as a friend AND respected our friendship, you would’ve asked before doing anything you’ve done this year. I honestly thought a lot more highly of you. I sound like a self-centered bitch, but honestly I feel like I’m fair and decent to a fair amount of people who are my so-called “friends,” and I’m pretty much treated like ABSOLUTE SHIT. Like no one is considerate of anything that has to do with me while I TRY my absolute fucking best to be considerate of almost everyone. Obviously I can’t be perfect like who the fuck is in this world? BUT I try my best to be considerate and treat others how they want to be treated. That’s why I’m just sick and tired of everyone and I just want to be left alone or at least be with people who actually even give a fucking shit. I’m only ranting right now because I ABSOLUTELY hate my roommate’s boyfriend. I’ve honestly never hated anyone more than him. He’s a complete fucking asshole and she deserves better, but like I said she can figure it out. I thought she did, but she didn’t and now I have to fucking live through this again. I can’t stand anything about him. I have to tolerate him, but it’s just been hard because everyone’s been so.. inconsiderate of everything and I’m just tired of everything. My roommate should not have him over here showering when he definitely has his own place. Not only that, but even if they have to wake up early tomorrow, it makes no sense for you to sleep here (the both of you). Even though you asked me this time because you know how much it bugs me, he has a PERFECTLY GOOD SINGLE NOTE SINGLEEEE that y’all can sleep in. It makes no freaking sense to me at all why you would sleep here. Yeah closer to the freeway maybe but who cares?!?! That’s just being inconsiderate of me again in the end. Yes I said I didn’t care but when its 12 AM in the damn morning, I don’t have the energy to be the bitch that said no because I don’t like your boyfriend. Gosh I am going to try to tolerate him since I only have another month, but he honestly ruined my friendship with her. Sometimes I don’t even like her or I think she’s absolutely annoying or irritating because of the things she does with him. Usually I’m not as annoyed with her and I never used to be, but nowadays I just feel she spends all of her time with him and doesn’t really spend time with her girlfriends. Guess she goes for bro over hos yeah? Well I wouldn’t ditch my friends for a freaking douchebag especially when he’s ruined all of your other friendships as well. Honestly, I don’t know how this bodes for our future as friends. It’s sad because I’ve known her for 4 years since college started, since day 1 and this is how it’s ending up because of some stupid boyfriend. *SIGH*. Anyway, that’s really all I have for now. Sorry for this insignificant stupid rant, but I haven’t been going out much lately anyway, so I’ve become boring as heck lol.

Till next time!!!

First Bar in Downtown

What a lame title, but it’s the best I could think of right now since it’s been weeks since this happened. (This happened a few weeks ago, but I will talk about it as if it happened recently).

So my cousin’s first and new boyfriend came down to SD this weekend and she asked if we wanted to go out to show him a night out on the town, and I’ve been wanting to meet him, so of course I agreed to go. I asked everyone else (my two roommates) if they wanted to and eventually everyone went. So it was my cousin, her boyfriend, my two roommates, my roommate’s boyfriend whom I don’t like, and myself who went out. We decided to go to a bar and POTENTIALLY go bar hopping because we’ve never been out in downtown San Diego before for a bar, just for Omnia usually, so we said that we would explore a bit. My cousin wanted to take him to Omnia, but I was like definitely not. You could go without me because I’ve gone the past 2 weeks, but I am definitely not going. Since I’m the only one who talks and knows most of the people there, they feel weird when they don’t go with me, so they just agreed on going to a bar for now. We went to Analog in downtown SD because we’ve heard only great things about it. It was an interesting place, different vibes from when we go clubbing at Omnia obviously, a lot more chill, but still with good vibes. It had a bar room and then the next room was the tiny as freak dance floor with the DJ stage. It was a very interesting setup and layout.


I told myself that I wasn’t going to get a drink and I was proud of myself because I saved money and didn’t. My roommate shared what she got with me and I drank only a bit of it because she did after all buy it with her money or her boyfriend bought it for her with his money (who knows?). Anyway, they got drinks and we decided to check out the dance floor. It was fun, but crowded and SOO hot. The music was popping though; the DJ really knew what type of music to play. After a while, it got so hot we just went outside to the bar area and danced around that area. Everyone started to do their own thing and then a guy came up to my roommate whose single to talk to her.

I wasn’t jealous that she was talking to a guy or that a guy was talking to her, but after a while,  I just wasn’t feeling it at all and felt uncomfortable and very, very insecure. It’s a feeling that I haven’t had in a while and it just felt really foreign to me. Even though the music was good, I just didn’t want to dance anymore and wanted to be the party pooper for once and go home. I kept saying I was fine, but I definitely wasn’t. I just hated being the 7th or whatever wheel I was then. My cousin had her boyfriend and my roommate had her boyfriend and my roommate kept talking to the one short (sorry), doctor guy who approached her earlier in the night. I wasn’t lonely, I really just wasn’t feeling it because my cousin and my roommate started dancing with me and honestly, it annoyed me because I didn’t want them to FEEL obligated to dance with me because I was “alone.” Even if they wanted to dance with me, I felt like they sort of had an obligation even though they would’ve rather danced the night away with their boyfriends. So I was just feeling insecure, like I was ugly as freak and no one wanted to talk to me or approach me because I was fat and didn’t meet their standards. Honestly, I just wanted to cry; I kept going to the bathroom because I didn’t want to be there and the bathroom helped me calm down a bit. After though, I just didn’t want to go back out and had to force myself every time.

I guess what pissed me off as well was they kept asking me if we wanted to go somewhere else and I said where else do y’all want to go? They kept dancing and kept ignoring the question and it’s like if you REALLY want to go somewhere else either tell me or find somewhere to go because I’m not wasting my time, like we’re just going to end up spending most of our night here if y’all don’t answer. Like seriously I’m not the one doing all of the searching and the work for your asses all the fucking time, do something for once instead of making me do all the shit. We ended up staying there because it was too late to go anywhere else (honestly, I knew it, I don’t like sounding like a know-it-all, but I knew we wouldn’t go anywhere else) lol. Afterwards, they wanted to go eat and i was like um, no. If y’all go eat, I’m about to take an Uber home by myself because I am definitely not feeling it and  I definitely did not want to eat. They started agreeing, but then my roommate’s stupid boyfriend kept bringing up that we should just walk somewhere to eat to wait for Uber prices to go down and we did, but there was a line and I was like of freaking course. Honestly, I really just wanted to go home for once because all I wanted to do was crawl in bed and cry all of my misery out. Thank goodness the Uber prices went down and we were able to get one to go home because I am telling you (sorry for how depressing this night is), but I was being the Debbie downer and wanting to go home. The moment we got in the Uber, the funniest thing happened, we all fell asleep LOL. I didn’t realize we were that tired, but apparently we were. We all fell asleep and all ended up home safe and sound. Yay.

So, that’s all for this night, not much happened except for me transforming to a freaking Debbie Downer, sadly. That’s all for now readers! Until next time ❤

Another Night, Another Experience

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve posted something because school and work have both been hitting me from both sides, but now I have a little bit of time to post what’s been going on in life, so without further ado, let’s get started.

Previously (2 weekends ago)…

Of course I went out again; like I may have mentioned in one of my previous posts, I enjoy going out not for the drinking, like everyone else assumes is the point of going out (no, it’s not), but I enjoy going out to relieve stress and to just enjoy myself and have new experiences. So of course you can guess where I went since I’m now a regular at the dang place and they do have good acts they have contracts with. I went with a large group this time (10 people total, including me), but of course I eventually went to do my own thing.

Before I did that, I said hi to the barback I met a few weeks ago and it was just sooo cute because I saw him on the first floor and it wasn’t crazy crowded yet and I waved hi and right away, he stopped whatever he was doing and went around the bar to give me a hug and say hi ah. Why do all of these attractive, nice guys have girlfriends LOL. Anyway, I just said hi and went to explore with everyone else, “explore,” since I know the layout of the freaking club off the top of my head lol. We just chilled for a bit and a friend and I got a drink of course from one of my favorite bartenders. I didn’t get to speak much to him because it was a bit busy, so not much on that end, but the night was very interesting.

After everyone dispersed, I stayed on the 2nd floor (of course) and just danced all over the place and met some people. Eventually I wanted another drink so I went to the bar and a guy named Samuel from Spain started talking to me. He was actually very sweet and bought me a drink. He was willing to try a Sex on the Beach (one of the most girliest drinks ever) because I don’t think he realizes how girly of a drink it is categorized as lol, but he said it was good so… haha. It was funny because after he got the bill, he commented how cheap I was (in a good way) because I guess most girls exploit/take advantage of the fact when a guy buys a drink so they go for more expensive drinks. I was like what…? I love this drink and TO ME it’s expensive as heck haha sooo whatever you say *shrug*, like thanks for getting me a drink though haha. We talked for a bit and he asked me to dance, but I told him that I was going to look for my friends and I didn’t want to dance. He said I don’t know how to dance well, but something something. i was like I’m sorry! He was super sweet and said it was ok and that it was his friend’s birthday so he was trying to look for him and that if he ran into me he’d say hi or he would find me later (what a sweetheart). A little after that I walked to go near the island on the 2nd floor and all of a sudden a guy wants a hug and he literally carries me up LOL and was like I love your top (note: I WAS WEARING A JUMPSUIT LOL), but I humored him and said aw thank you and he said how gorgeous I was and wanted a dance, but I said no and then he asked if he could buy me a drink, but I said I already had a boyfriend and I drink (obviously, not the boyfriend, but definitely the drink). Then all of a sudden i walk towards the bathroom and another guy comes up to me and compliments me and offers to buy me a drink. Wow, I honestly barely get guys to buy me drinks, but that night I had 3 freaking guys within the span of 5 minutes want to buy me drinks. What a freaking record huh? I swear the magic of that jumpsuit of something. Anyway, I escaped to the rooftop bathroom to talk to the bathroom attendant that I know who has sort of become a good confidante and friend of mine as well and I told her that I was sort of hiding because it was sort of scary how so many guys approached me since none want to approach me really (I’m not that scary people) and now like 3 guys want to buy me drinks like what…? So I took a breather and then I went back into the wild (just kidding). I went back to the 2nd floor and I danced by some girls who were pretty nice and talked to them for a bit. Then I walked over to another part of the floor because guys were starting to creep on me and I was definitely not going to fend them off by myself. So I went to the other side and this one cute guy and I started dancing with one another and things led to another and… Let’s just leave it at, my lipstick definitely did not stay on my lips that night (hahaha) and neither did my own body. He lifted me up at one point (what is it with these guys and lifting you up?) and yeah… The rest is definitely history LOL… I started to get hot and whatnot all of a sudden (no pun intended), so I told him I was going to the bathroom and he told me he’d be waiting and honestly I just left to the bathroom and came back out to find my friends because they started texting me. We all met up on the 2nd floor and they started explaining to me how things got interesting for them on the first floor and how some girl almost started a fight with my big (what the freak is wrong with people?!?) Anyway, that’s all that really happened for that night. My big ended up getting more drunk than I’ve seen him and we all went home happy and tired.

Sorry for the REALLY late post (this is now from like 3-4 weeks ago, but hey I posted it so be happy :)) Just kidding, seriously, I’m sorry I haven’t been in too much of a writing mood, but now I want to get back into it because people are so ugh, I don’t get them, but anyway, until my next adventure!! Love all you readers!

Let’s Press Rewind

Remember when I said that I’d explain my bartender friend at the club I frequent? Well, I guess that time is now since I’m home for the holidays. So, he’s just a friend, the bartender that I know; I just happen to find him very attractive. First time I met him was when I went to the club for the second time I believe. I usually just go to the bar to get a drink… (and ok, I guess to check out some of the bartenders too, no lie)…

ANYWAY, my cousin spotted him first and then my friend who came with us and I spotted him and I said to my friend (my little in one of my organizations) oh my freaking gosh, he is one of the most gorgeous guys I’ve ever seen, like if you could draw up my ideal guy in terms of physical appearances, he would be him, like oh my. This guy IS really gorgeous and just all-around good looking. I really have no other words or ways to describe the feeling that I had the first time I saw him. My cousin and my roommate approached him first, to get water or drinks, I don’t know and I have no clue what they said to him, but after a while I ended up going up to him. In all honesty, I don’t remember how that happened because that night was… well let’s just say I was more than my usual level of intoxication and it ended up being a night that I sort of didn’t want to think about nor remember. Moving on… I went up to him and asked for his name and introduced myself and just stared having a “normal” conversation with him (as normal as a conversation at a busy bar could get). I also spoke with another bartender, but I wasn’t as enamored by him as I was by this one. This one just caught my interest, not only with his good looks and his charm, but by just having a normal conversation with me when he could. After that night, I was super hooked and hoped to see him again the next time we came to the club. Also after that night, apparently I decided to become a stalker and add both bartenders on Facebook. I really had no recollection of doing this at all until the next morning. Even after looking at my phone and going “when the heck did I add them??” didn’t really ring a bell. It was only after my cousin came over to grab something of hers that it hit me that I did it while we were sitting in the Uber. Oops haha.. Guess I really did end up doing it. What a stalker.

After that, I still couldn’t believe I did it. It’s just I don’t end up doing things like that, but I guess with a little bit of liquid luck (or a lot of it) it tends to make you do things you wouldn’t really do. Oh well, not that big of a deal anyway, probably happens to them all the time.

So, I didn’t see him until the next time we went and he remembered us! I was so shocked and surprised. I mean yes, most bartenders are sober and aren’t allowed to drink on the job, but still there are SOO many people he could remember and he remembered us. So what happened was my cousin was really excited to see if he was there working or not and when she saw that he was, she wanted to do this heart thing with her hands that he did last time and she wanted me to come up after her so it wouldn’t look weird. I mean I was going up whether or not she wanted me to, I’d just go on my terms and not hers since she’s the one who wanted to do it anyway. Sounds harsh of me, but I was like eh, you can do it since he did it last time, you’re going with your friend anyway. So after a bit, I came up after them and he saw me before I even came up to the bar and gave me a cute little wave. I legit practically died right then and there on the rooftop of the club haha. It was just so cute and he remembered me like (internal girl screaming). He just asked how school was and what we were doing. Then I just told the girls to get drinks so we could let him work. After doing our thing, I wanted my own drink so I came back and he tried to find me a drink ticket which was really sweet and which he didn’t have to do  but he did  anyway. He apologized that he didn’t have any, and it was no problem with me paying for the drink. We had a little conversation and he asked about what we were up to that night or what else we were going to do, my day etc, a normal conversation like we have every time. I mean it’s a bar, what else could you talk about really without others hearing haha. It was nice though, even though he went to go fulfill other drink orders, he’d apologize and try to come back to talk to us. I didn’t mind because that’s his job, no need to apologize you know? We also met another bartender that night and he was really sweet as well (to add on). So as the night progressed, I just moved from floor to floor as always, but I always end up at the bar to talk to him before I leave, so I just ended up at the bar, but some guy was trying to talk and hit on me and the new bartender was trying to hook his friend up, but I was really not interested in the guy so I just tried to keep the conversation going, but I really couldn’t (sorry!). So the night ended and I said bye to my friend. Agh too cute.

The next time we came (yes, I realize now how much we go to the SAME club all the time, it’s really sad actually), was a few weeks after and I think this was just recently for my housemate’s birthday and we saw him and he just looked tired. It was a slow night according to him, and it was a really slow night compared to other nights we’ve come. This was that stupid night my roommate and her boyfriend argued over something so stupid. Anyway, moving along otherwise I’m going to blow up again over that stupid thing, we just got drinks, got my housemate really intoxicated (I mean it’s her birthday right?), and got hit on and that whole fun jazz. I think this was the night I asked for his snapchat at the end, because I mean why not right? Like I can be friends with him and whatnot outside of the customer/bartender relationship. Oh, he was also really sweet and comped me that night. I thought that was really sweet and I hoped that he didn’t think I wanted to get to know him or talk to him just because I wanted free drinks or something lol. Anyway, that happened.

Next encounter was last week’s after finals, but I’m pretty sure I mentioned the night in my other post already (Red is the Color of Sin), but in case y’all forgot or even I forgot what I typed and told y’all, we went, did the same thing (whoop-dee-doo) and he just asked about finals and I told him that I passed 2 out of 3 of my finals for sure already and he said something about, “you got it babes or babe or something,” I don’t know. (what type of guy uses that on girls not his girlfriend?) Anyway, we just had small talk since it was his finals and I always tell him to surprise me with drinks now to not drink the same thing and he hasn’t disappointed me yet! He gave us one drink ticket and couldn’t give us more, but it was fine because he always does a lot for us anyway. So small talk, and we ended up leaving early that night, so we said bye to him and what bugged me that night was that my cousin and my housemate didn’t really get the hint that I just wanted to have a one-on-one conversation with him and not a conversation with all of them. It just.. ruins the moment. So yeah, it was a really irritating night like I mentioned in my other post. But yeah… That’s him… bartender friend… and now for the FUN part…

Spoiler… He has a girlfriend. Wow, not that much of a shocker if you ever see him in person lol. But yeah once I found that out (not through him, but by.. various means…) (Sorry, I can be stalker-ish guys). Anywho, I was so… disappointed. Like I’m usually disappointed anyhow, but this time I was like SUPER disappointed. It confused and annoyed me because I am NOT usually disappointed for that long or THAT disappointed over some guy with a girlfriend. But I don’t know.. I mean I haven’t really spoken with him outside of a club scene, but he seems like a goofy, great guy and I want to see if that observation is true. So it just disappoints me I don’t really get that opportunity to find out. 😦 Like I’m truly sad. It just boggles me why I was so infatuated/attracted to him even after finding out that fact. I mean nothing is going to change. It’ll be nice to just become really good friends with him (if he doesn’t think I’m some creepy or annoying person from snapchatting him often) lol… I mean I think it’s just the fact that he’s gorgeous and goofy which attracts me still to him and those two things make for a dangerous combination… Anyway, I’m still honestly sometimes really disappointed, but it’s ok, sighs, that’s life yeah? I mean that new bartender I met who mentioned the other place where he works is good looking with possibly a good personality too so we’ll see. 🙂 Anyway that is the low down on things with the bartender friend. Until next time.


Au revoir mes amours (sorry if I totally killed the translation and grammar)