What a lame title, but it’s the best I could think of right now since it’s been weeks since this happened. (This happened a few weeks ago, but I will talk about it as if it happened recently).
So my cousin’s first and new boyfriend came down to SD this weekend and she asked if we wanted to go out to show him a night out on the town, and I’ve been wanting to meet him, so of course I agreed to go. I asked everyone else (my two roommates) if they wanted to and eventually everyone went. So it was my cousin, her boyfriend, my two roommates, my roommate’s boyfriend whom I don’t like, and myself who went out. We decided to go to a bar and POTENTIALLY go bar hopping because we’ve never been out in downtown San Diego before for a bar, just for Omnia usually, so we said that we would explore a bit. My cousin wanted to take him to Omnia, but I was like definitely not. You could go without me because I’ve gone the past 2 weeks, but I am definitely not going. Since I’m the only one who talks and knows most of the people there, they feel weird when they don’t go with me, so they just agreed on going to a bar for now. We went to Analog in downtown SD because we’ve heard only great things about it. It was an interesting place, different vibes from when we go clubbing at Omnia obviously, a lot more chill, but still with good vibes. It had a bar room and then the next room was the tiny as freak dance floor with the DJ stage. It was a very interesting setup and layout.
I told myself that I wasn’t going to get a drink and I was proud of myself because I saved money and didn’t. My roommate shared what she got with me and I drank only a bit of it because she did after all buy it with her money or her boyfriend bought it for her with his money (who knows?). Anyway, they got drinks and we decided to check out the dance floor. It was fun, but crowded and SOO hot. The music was popping though; the DJ really knew what type of music to play. After a while, it got so hot we just went outside to the bar area and danced around that area. Everyone started to do their own thing and then a guy came up to my roommate whose single to talk to her.
I wasn’t jealous that she was talking to a guy or that a guy was talking to her, but after a while, I just wasn’t feeling it at all and felt uncomfortable and very, very insecure. It’s a feeling that I haven’t had in a while and it just felt really foreign to me. Even though the music was good, I just didn’t want to dance anymore and wanted to be the party pooper for once and go home. I kept saying I was fine, but I definitely wasn’t. I just hated being the 7th or whatever wheel I was then. My cousin had her boyfriend and my roommate had her boyfriend and my roommate kept talking to the one short (sorry), doctor guy who approached her earlier in the night. I wasn’t lonely, I really just wasn’t feeling it because my cousin and my roommate started dancing with me and honestly, it annoyed me because I didn’t want them to FEEL obligated to dance with me because I was “alone.” Even if they wanted to dance with me, I felt like they sort of had an obligation even though they would’ve rather danced the night away with their boyfriends. So I was just feeling insecure, like I was ugly as freak and no one wanted to talk to me or approach me because I was fat and didn’t meet their standards. Honestly, I just wanted to cry; I kept going to the bathroom because I didn’t want to be there and the bathroom helped me calm down a bit. After though, I just didn’t want to go back out and had to force myself every time.
I guess what pissed me off as well was they kept asking me if we wanted to go somewhere else and I said where else do y’all want to go? They kept dancing and kept ignoring the question and it’s like if you REALLY want to go somewhere else either tell me or find somewhere to go because I’m not wasting my time, like we’re just going to end up spending most of our night here if y’all don’t answer. Like seriously I’m not the one doing all of the searching and the work for your asses all the fucking time, do something for once instead of making me do all the shit. We ended up staying there because it was too late to go anywhere else (honestly, I knew it, I don’t like sounding like a know-it-all, but I knew we wouldn’t go anywhere else) lol. Afterwards, they wanted to go eat and i was like um, no. If y’all go eat, I’m about to take an Uber home by myself because I am definitely not feeling it and I definitely did not want to eat. They started agreeing, but then my roommate’s stupid boyfriend kept bringing up that we should just walk somewhere to eat to wait for Uber prices to go down and we did, but there was a line and I was like of freaking course. Honestly, I really just wanted to go home for once because all I wanted to do was crawl in bed and cry all of my misery out. Thank goodness the Uber prices went down and we were able to get one to go home because I am telling you (sorry for how depressing this night is), but I was being the Debbie downer and wanting to go home. The moment we got in the Uber, the funniest thing happened, we all fell asleep LOL. I didn’t realize we were that tired, but apparently we were. We all fell asleep and all ended up home safe and sound. Yay.
So, that’s all for this night, not much happened except for me transforming to a freaking Debbie Downer, sadly. That’s all for now readers! Until next time ❤